So, then Jesus said . . . and you know . . . and you should . . . and you’re all terrible . . . and I’m dying over here . . . and . . .
. . . WE INTERRUPT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG-O-RAMA TO BRING YOU THE FOLLOWING “SPECIAL REPORT”, “NEWS FLASH”, “BREAKING NEWS UPDATE”, if you will, so to speak . . .
Have you seen this woman? Do you know her? Does she look vaguely familiar to you?
Sources have confirmed that we have received reports, very reliable reports, that the young woman in this photo, this very young, fabulously good-looking teenager, full of life and promise and potential, this innocent and wholesome creature with vitality and fun emanating from the very pores of her skin . . . etc., etc., etc. . . . is suspected of . . . rumored to be . . . unbelievably (almost) alleged to have become . . .
40, that’s right 40, years of age, on this very day.
I know it’s shocking, folks and very disturbing. If you have small children nearby, you might want to fake as if you’re laughing this all off as some cruel joke so as to lull the poor children into thinking it’s all a game of make-believe, or at least have them leave the room to avoid the graphic nature of this revelation.
I’m nearly speechless.
Apparently, folks, there is no cure, no prevention, no nostalgic 80’s music from Amy Grant nor Duran Duran, that has ever been found to alleviate the hazard, the trauma of turning 40.
Please take a moment with me to reflect on what you might be able to do for this young woman and her family to offer . . . well, to comfort her with laughter, mockery, and general jolliness. It’s the best any of us can hope for under such circumstances.
This has been a SPECIAL REPORT.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled hum-drum blogness, already in progress.
. . . and that’s the way it should be . . . blah, blah, blah . . . I love you, too.
I love you, Renee! Happy Birthday!