This is one of those “by the way” posts, just so you know, so don’t expect anything too meaningful. (I know, you’re probably relieved. It’s okay to acknowledge that.)
First of all, I just want you to know, I realize that my “breakfast” post from yesterday is too long and bit self-indulgent in that way. I’ve decide you’ll just have to get over that. I also realize that getting over that probably means you won’t read it. That’s fine, too. But just for my own comfort, I’m going to imagine that you will skim it and pick up on a few key paragraphs about two-thirds through the diatribe. That makes me feel better.
Second, I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve tried to quit this altogether, but God won’t accept my resignation. I’ve determined though, that I should write for my self, and for God, and not burden anyone else with expectations of actually reading this. That makes me feel better, too, even though I secretly think everyone should read this and tell their friends about it.
I am conflicted, though. This is tough – how to share, what to share, what not to share, what the hell difference does it make anyway. Just so you know – that happens.
Third, I want to acknowledge that I write some fairly excellent (and brief) posts in my mind on a regular basis, mostly while I’m driving. You can’t type while you drive – well, it would be hazardous and it’s outlawed in several states now – and when I’m finished driving, I don’t really have time to write immediately, and I’ve usually satisfied myself by just thinking the post enough to get it out of my system. You knowing this also makes me feel better, and that’s really what this is all about anyway, I suppose.
Fourth, I suppose I’ll need to write a post about how much I love my wife really soon, with our anniversary coming up and such, but I really can’t wait that long to write how I feel today. I just want to acknowledge for those of you that think I might have it all together, that first of all, you’re grossly mistaken, and second, my wife is really the only earthly reason I am even moderately of any social value whatsoever. She literally keeps me from drowning in my own mess nearly every day. I owe more to her than I can ever express, and I love her more deeply than I would have thought to be humanly possible. She is admirable and beautiful to me and I need her desperately to be just who she is – strong, caring, genuine, compassionate, tender, steady, determined, authentic, devoted and so many more things that add up to the best thing ever. I love my wife.
Fifth, my kids deserve some of your attention when you get a minute. Mostly Hannah and Will, of late, but several of them write occasionally on a blog nearby, which you can visit now by clicking this link: “there’s just no sense in that” In fact, Will wrote his first real post just yesterday. It’s pretty fantastic, actually, and since I could use a little fatherly sense of accomplishment lately, I’d suggest you go check it out and give me kudos for having such wonderful children. That will do a lot to disband the pity-party of fatherly failings I’ve been immersed in lately, and my kids will be happy, too.
Sixth, and finally, thankfully, I want to say thanks to those of you who occasionally read these posts and especially to those who comment, even if that’s because you feel obligated. Even when I didn’t write anything for several weeks, to my astonishment, some of you were checking here frequently to see if anything was happening. I know those clicks were probably coming from my wife or children, or random people looking for peanut-butter cookie recipes called “namesake” or something, but it’s just nice to know that a few folks are actually interested. I know I should write for God regardless of people’s attention, but it’s hard to sustain the motivation for that mostly-silent, invisible audience of one – his clicks don’t get recorded here. So, thanks!
I love you, too.