Just thought you should know: I haven’t quit.
I mean, I have quit, temporarily, but not permanently. And I wish the temporary quitting was over already. Maybe this little post means it is.
At first, quitting temporarily is about needing a break and a bit of rebellion and a bit of gut-check as to whether I’m doing this (writing, not quitting) for the right reasons.
At second, quitting temporarily becomes about time and choices – get more sleep, get less crabby, spend more time with kids and wife, spend more time with other things that are piled up, or write.
At third, there are actually days I forget that I have ever written . . . but there are not many of those days.
At fourth, I crave writing – I spend several minutes staring at, and daydreaming about, the green-plaid-covered journal laying on the top of the Bible that sits by the lady in the row ahead of me in church. I just want to hold it. A journal with real pages and real ink is so much more romantically appealing than a monitor and a keyboard.
At last, words begin to look for places to escape from me, craving expression, regardless of value and means. (Not to say that the actual value of the expression has ever been held in such high regard here at namesake.)
Now, I’m writing this little note to say that I haven’t quit writing, and I can’t quit writing.
Oh God, help me do this well, in the write right ways, at the write right times, for the write right reasons, with the write right words.
Oh Lord, please help me do this.